


Ouch, My Tail

by wobblebobble



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Sort Of, them just hanging out in the garden really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25419070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wobblebobble/pseuds/wobblebobble
Summary: the boys get bored and try out different corporations with varying results
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Ouch, My Tail

**Author's Note:**

> to be honest i wrote this whole thing off of the title i thought of.   
> would a chipmunk bite a snake’s tail? probably not but i say it would. enjoy snake aziraphale and fish crowley, among other things <3

“Crowley, what’s it like being a snake?”

Crowley looked up from his phone at Aziraphale hovering above him. “Huh?”

Aziraphale sat down next to the demon. “What’s it like? Does it feel weird going back and forth between corporations?” He smoothed down his coat. “I would worry that I wouldn’t be able to change back.”

Crowley looked at the angel, golden eyes wide open. “Where is this coming from? Are you that bored?”

Aziraphale paused. “I suppose. I would like to try it out, if you don’t mind, that is. Maybe you could...show me the ropes?” He laughed nervously.

They got off the couch and went into the backyard. Crowley shook his head ever so slightly and smiled, surprised that the angel would want to try out the corporation of the first tempter. But he wasn’t about to object.

“Well, I don’t think there’s anything special to it, really. I mean, make sure there’s no holes nearby you can’t get out of. But I can help you, if you need."

The angel nodded. He took a deep breath and focused hard, eyes tightly squeezed shut and fists clenched at his sides. Crowley snickered.

Aziraphale’s eyes shot open, offended. “What?”

“Why are you shutting your eyes so tight? It’s not a big deal, it’s like bringing your wings out, you just do it. Like a miracle or something.”

“Easy for you to say, a snake is your original corporation. I could tell you just the same to turn into my original form. It’s hard.” Aziraphale grumbled. He took off his coat, handed it to Crowley, and clamped his eyes shut again. Crowley tried not to laugh.

He began circling around the angel, who was trying his hardest, really. It just wasn’t working. Aziraphale was about to give up when suddenly, _pop!_ He was a snake.

Crowley jumped back so as not to step on him. Aziraphale’s snake form was pure white, silky and smooth in the grass. The demon gasped; Aziraphale was somehow so beautiful and exactly how he expected an angel turning into a snake would look. Crowley shrunk down into his own snake form to join Aziraphale in the garden.

Aziraphale was not having a very good time. “There’s _bugs_ down here, Crowley, I feel like they’re crawling all over me.” He shuddered. “Yuck.”

“I thought you’re supposed to love all things, as an angel,” Crowley slithered closer to Aziraphale. “And I have to be a snake but you get to complain about it?”

Crowley could see snake-Aziraphale wiggling uncomfortably just like his human form. “Ah, yes. But...bugs are a bit harder to love. Especially when they won’t leave you alone.” He whipped the end of his long body and sent a beetle flying off.

Crowley flicked out his tongue. “Well, you don’t have to eat them, so that’s good.” They explored around the garden for a few minutes, Crowley inspecting his plants on a closer level. The plants shuddered. 

“You’re all doing wonderful; keep up the good work!” Aziraphale praised. 

“Angel, don’t!” Crowley slithered to the fern Aziraphale was admiring. “You’ll make them go soft.”

Aziraphale shrugged, as much as a snake could shrug, and wiggled away to explore another part of their yard. He found a dark hole and wandered in, curious.

Unfortunately, he slithered a bit too far and fell in. Aziraphale turned around and saw a chipmunk. “Oh,” he gasped. “Oh, dear.” He shivered and suddenly couldn’t move, frozen with fear.

Crowley turned around, calling the angel’s name. (He had found a cool rock he wanted to share.) But Aziraphale was nowhere to be seen. “Good Lord,” Crowley muttered, although he had been expecting it. 

He slithered away as fast as he could, hissing Aziraphale’s name. Aziraphale heard him and turned around into the light, but the chipmunk nipped his tail, holding him back. He yelped, or made as much of a yelping sound he could as a snake. “Ouch! My tail!”

Crowley heard. He slipped into the hole as fast as he could, tongue flitting in and out, in order to scare whatever was holding Aziraphale hostage. It worked - the chipmunk scurried away deeper into the hole and didn’t return.

“That rodent bit my tail,” Aziraphale frowned as he slithered out of the hole.

“Angel, your whole body is tail.”

“You know what I mean.”

“The chipmunk bit your butt and you got scared.” Crowley was trying not to burst out laughing. 

“No!” Aziraphale sped out of the hole into the sun. “I will not.”

“You’re embarrassed,” the demon teased, circling around Aziraphale again. “And I don’t even get a ‘thank you?’” 

The white snake turned away. “I’m going to change back, if I can. Oh, I really do hope I can. I was a snake for fifteen minutes and almost died. I do not want to have to explain to Gabriel that I got discorporated by a chipmunk. And the fact that I, an _angel_ ,” - Crowley rolled his eyes - “took the form of a _snake_ , too....” 

Crowley glanced at him, eyes widening. “Angel, you can’t base your expertise at being a snake on one incident with a chipmunk. Although it was kind of funny, a tiny chipmunk holding you hostage - ”

“It was big!” Aziraphale interrupted, whipping back around towards Crowley. “I’m changing back. But I get your point; I’m just more comfortable in my human corporation, is all.”

“Suit yourself,” said Crowley, who wriggled deeper into the dirt. He stretched out - it felt good, the warm sun on his body, the grass soft and ticklish. He soon fell asleep.

Aziraphale concentrated as hard as he could, pushing aside the fear that he might have to live as a snake for the rest of eternity. After a few seconds, he heard a _pop!_ and he was back in his human body. He let out a sigh of relief and went back inside, leaving Crowley to what he could only assume was spreading discord through the yard (that he would have to clean up later).

But then Aziraphale got another idea. Why stop at turning into a snake, how about a bigger animal? He smiled mischievously. 

Crowley awoke to another popping sound: Aziraphale had turned into a beautiful, light gray elephant with shiny white tusks. Crowley relished at first in the vast shadow, but then looked up and yelped. Now it was the angel’s turn to laugh. 

“It’s just me, Crowley,” Aziraphale thundered. “I’m an elephant, see?” He waved his trunk up and down emphatically. 

“Yes, angel, I see.” Crowley ran for cover under the nearest plant. “Could you please stop stomping around before you step on me?!”

“Oh, dear, I’m sorry.” Aziraphale plopped down on the grass. What a sight to see, an elephant sitting in a garden in the South Downs. “I quite enjoy being an elephant. Tall, very strong, no one makes fun of you for being large. And you can scare little snakes,” he added with a grin. 

“Stop it! I'm not small. I’m changing back.” A _pop!_ and Crowley was back into his human form. “What should I do next?” He walked around elephant-Aziraphale, as modest but as beautiful as ever. 

“Oh! I know,” Crowley said slyly to himself. “Watch this!” He yelled up to the elephant. 

And with another _pop!_ he was a fish. 

Aziraphale sighed. He watched Crowley flail around on the grass, howling. Once again, Crowley’s lack of foresight hurt him. Add this to the list. 

Aziraphale changed back into his human form and miracled Crowley back to his regular corporation. 

“Thank you,” Crowley gasped. “Wow, that was dumb.”

“I agree.” Aziraphale giggled. “Here.” And with another _pop!_ there was a fish tank, Crowley inside as a sparkly black-and-red-scaled fish. 

“Smart,” fish-Crowley said, zipping back and forth around the tank. “This is pretty fun; angel, do you want to try?” He did a flip and bonked into the wall. “Ow.” 

“Ah, well…” Aziraphale hesitated. “I’m not what you would call… a good swimmer, per se. In fact, I’m not very good at all, really.”

“You can’t swim?” Crowley stopped doing fish gymnastics long enough to look up at the angel.

“Not in the traditional sense, no.” Aziraphale fiddled with the buttons on his coat and looked down into the grass. 

“I’m sure it would be different if you were a fish, they just naturally know how to swim. Right? Come on, try it.”

Aziraphale did try. He was becoming more confident in his shape-shifting abilities, so he gave it a go. 

He transformed into a pure white fish with gold trim along his scales, sparkling in the water. The sunlight shone through the glass onto the two fish, one white and one black. Crowley was patiently helping Aziraphale around the tank, swimming slowly with him, talking him through it. With Crowley's help, fish-Aziraphale gained more confidence and with that, speed. Soon, Aziraphale was spinning around and doing flips alongside Crowley. After they had worn themselves out, they switched back to their human forms, shaking out their limbs and sighing.

“Well, today was a good day, I have to say,” Aziraphale opened the door of their cottage for Crowley and gestured him in. “I would do that again; maybe try a bird or squirrel or something. See what being up high feels like.”

“Angel, you can fly without having to turn into a bird, remember? Wings?” Crowley sat down on the couch next to the angel and patted his knee.

“Oh, right. Ha.”

Crowley smiled. "Oh, angel."

"What?" Aziraphale glanced over to the demon.

"You're so silly."

"Stop!" Aziraphale swatted at Crowley. "What would you try next?"

Crowley sighed. "Oh, I don't know, a unicorn maybe?" He paused, thinking. "Where did all of them go, anyways? Australia? Haven't been down there in a while."

Aziraphale sat back. "You mean...you really don't know?" His eyes widened.

"Know what, angel?"

"Unicorns don't exist anymore, Crowley. They went extinct. Remember? You were there, you saw that only one made it on the ark. 'Oi, shem!' That whole thing?"

"But they still had one of them, that's what I said." Crowley was confused.

"Dear, ah. I don't really know how to put this," Aziraphale tutted. "You, um, need two animals to make more animals." He looked awkwardly at the demon. "Don't tell me you didn't know that."

"Oh, uh, yeah angel, of course I knew that." (He did not.) "Huh, I guess I just never thought about how unicorns were doing, is all."

Aziraphale sighed. "I hope you're not terribly disappointed."

"Nah, not really. Shame, though, they were beautiful creatures. You think I could still try being one though? I've always wanted to try."

"Only one way to find out!" They leaped off the couch and hurried back to the yard.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading ! leave a kudos or comment if you are so inclined :) i'm on tumblr over at rocklobstering if you wanna see me over there !


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